Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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