I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
