Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
