I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
