I'm really into asian looking animals
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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