Small penises have feelings too.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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