Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
