Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
