weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
