Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?