Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
