About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize