I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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