Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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