He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
