We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
porn star boner night. come get it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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