Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
