So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
