The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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