and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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