I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
