No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
