I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
