there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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