Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
