Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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