That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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