Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
