So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.