Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
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If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
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I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.