Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.