can we get nightvision for the apartment?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.