ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
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She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
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For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.