Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
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oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
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Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???