he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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