The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
