franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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