I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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