I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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