Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize