I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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