he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
