do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize