He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
