its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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