are you so shy because you have an std?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I would fuck him just for his dog
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
