And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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