Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
