im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
