They should really pass out barf bags in church
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
