I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
