Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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