i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
