God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's rum buckets o'clock
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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