i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm bleeding and have questions
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
