smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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