the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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