I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
