Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
