Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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