And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
