I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
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Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
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You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
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