YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
