he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
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You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
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Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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