I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
