Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
