before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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