Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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