Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
