We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
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Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
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You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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