I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
