Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
