I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize