That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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